my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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