I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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