So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
