Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
