my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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