some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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