Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
