My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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