You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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