the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
