Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
