Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
