we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
