We're facebook friends in real life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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