she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
