Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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