I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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