Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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