I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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