I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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