imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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