I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found your dick twin last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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