You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
