he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
