Say something about gay babies.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
