can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
