how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude i'm inner monologue high
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
