I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
