Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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