hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
