have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
