Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
