he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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