I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
