Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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