I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
