I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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