the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
