shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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