My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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