i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
