You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
