Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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