I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
