for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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