Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
