So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
