my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
