Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize