he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
