just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
