Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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