You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
