Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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