? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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