then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
