Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
