I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
