So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
