i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
where are my eyebrows?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
