how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
