You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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