Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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