Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
