If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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