You're a womanizer and a bitch.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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