So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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