We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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